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swinger wife - swinger wife - This is not so much about me - it's about what I have learned from experience. I always wondered what the big deal about sex was - I guess at first, sex is exciting. Then you start feeling funny about yourself, and then you started feeling funny about your partner. This syndrome is what I call the morning-after syndrome. We wake up and find that intimacy is not really there. The sexual relationship does not satisfy us anymore, and what we end up with is not what we really wanted in the first place. All you have is two self-centered people seeking self-satisfaction. The elements of genuine love and intimacy cannot be obtained "instantly," and you find yourself in an unbalanced state, searching for harmony. Each of us has five significant parts in our lives. We have the physical, the emotional, the mental, the social, and the spiritual. All five of these parts are designed to work together in harmony. In a search for intimacy, people want the solution today, or yesterday. One of the problems is that people want "instant" gratification. When the need for intimacy in a relationship is not met, they look for an "instant" solution. Where do they look? Physical, mental, social, emotional or spiritual? It's the physical. It is easier to be physically intimate with someone than to be intimate in any of the other four areas. They can become physically intimate with a person of the opposite sex in an hour, or half-hour....it just depends upon the urge! But they soon discover that sex may only be a temporary relief for a superficial desire. There is a much deeper need that is still unmet. What do they do when the thrill wears off and the more you have sex, the less they like it? They rationalize it by saying, "They are in love. No, I mean really in love." But they still find themselves feeling guilty and unsatisfied. On campus, where I live, I see men and women searching for intimacy, going from one relationship to another hoping, "This time will be it. This time I am going to find a relationship that will last." I believe that what they really want is not sex. What they really want is intimacy. So, what exactly is intimacy? In today's world, the word intimacy has taken on sexual connotations. But it is much more than that. It includes all the different dimensions of our lives -- yes, the physical, but also the social, emotional, mental and spiritual aspects as well. Intimacy really means total life sharing. And haven't we all had the desire at one time or another for closeness, for oneness, for sharing our life with someone totally? I have had the pleasure of recently meeting a young doctor from New Jersey, that explains intimacy quite well. He says we all long for moments of expressions of love, closeness and tenderness, but frequently, at the critical point, we often draw back. We are afraid of closeness. We are afraid of love. And, that the closer you come to somebody, the greater potential there is for pain. It is the fear of pain that often drives us away from finding true intimacy. I have been hurt by love and foolishly decided to take steps never to love again. I simply didn't want to be hurt anymore. I didn't want pain in my life. What he has taught me is there is no such thing as "painless love." The closer we come to somebody, the greater potential there is for pain. So, instinctively we build walls around our hearts to protect us from anyone on the outside getting in to hurt us. But that same wall which keeps people out, keeps us stuck inside. The result? Loneliness sets in and true intimacy and love become impossible. Thank you, Chad, for explaining that Love is more than emotions, and it is much more than a good feeling. I now know that I want a man that responds to me with patience and kindness....one who is never boastful or full of selfish pride....one who isn't rude toward me of self-seeking, and definitely one that isn't easily angered. I also do not want a person that keeps a record of my wrongs To me, love is "other-person" focused. It is giving, rather than self-seeking. And there's the problem. Who can live up to this? You cannot consistently demonstrate this kind of love toward someone if you don't love yourself or have never experienced being loved in this way.